Monday, September 13, 2010

It's Nobody's Fault

Eytan's death is nobody's fault.

I think we can't help but blame ourselves a little. What if I had called more? What if I had paid more attention? What if there was something I missed? So many what ifs...but to what end? Blaming myself for his death won't bring him back, and it won't make the loss hurt any less. Let's focus on moving forward and healing.

I found out yesterday that someone in my community jumped off the a bridge to his death a few weeks ago. The family isn't telling anyone what happened but everyone knows. It makes me even more resolute in my decision to tell people what happened; this kind of secret isn't something you can hide for long in this age of technology and police scanners. And even if it was "hideable," how can you heal if you can't openly talk about the loss? I'd rather have my friends know so they know how best they can support me.

SUICIDE ISN'T ANYONE'S FAULT. We loved my brother, and we didn't drive him to take his own life. He was sick, and in such a dark place that to him, death was the only way out. This doesn't reflect poorly on my family, and we are not ashamed of him.

Why is it so hard to talk about suicide?


  1. No one is ever at fault for these things. The fault lies with the stigma that we as a society randomly and erroneously assign to those who were tortured in life and the families that are tortured in the deaths of those that they loved. Having lived out suicide aftermaths with family members who have chosen to remain silent, I can honestly say that silence is strangling. It only forwards misplaced guilt and shame.

  2. Speaking is not only helpful for those grieving it is vital for the world at large. We need to start speaking more about depression and suicide, the only way to prevent more tragedies and to help those suffering is to speak it out and understand it. What you are doing with this blog and by refusing to hide the truth is not only an honor to Eytan but a huge benefit to the community and the world. Dialogue leads to talk and thoughts which lead to actions and people need to start understanding the TRUTH about depression and suicide and not the ugly myths that they think they can use to protect themselves. My heart aches for you and your family and my thoughts and prayers are with y'all as this New Year begins.

  3. I wish my daughter would believe this. Her boyfriend committed suicide 1 year ago while she was 6 months pregnant. She is the one who found him. He was only 18. She was 19 at the time. Just recently the boyfriends mother has voiced that she blames my daughter. She is heartbroken. I am furious! It is hard to know where to step in this situation. Do I just sit back and let her handle this? I don't like seeing my daughter upset by this.