Tomorrow will be the seven month anniversary of my brother's suicide.
If there is one thing I have learned since then, it's that however much I miss him, even if I wallow in sadness forever, life just has to go on.
I got engaged just before the new year. It was a wonderful, exciting, happy end to a pretty shitty year. My engagement to a wonderful man has brought back some happiness into our lives, a feeling I thought we'd never find again. It's a different kind of happiness, tinged with the knowledge that my brother won't be at my wedding, but it's still happiness.
A few days after he proposed, AK asked me if I was sad that I couldn't tell my brother about our engagement. I told him the truth--I'm not. I'm sad he won't be at my wedding, my first child's birth, and every other happy event to come. But I'm not sad I can't tell him about my engagement. Because he knows. And life has to go on without him.
Rella - I just found your blog and first of all want to wish you Mazal Tov on your engagement. it must feel bittersweet, as it does to us, to celebrate the happy family moments while still grieving.
ReplyDeletePlease know that I respect your thoughts & words, admire your courage. Losing someone is hard no matter what the circumstance...but suicide carries with it additional baggage that the family has to bear. I feel for you, I truly do. It's helpful to me to hear a sibling's perspective b/c I worry about my other kids so much.
I hope that you are able to continue with the next phase of your life with happiness, and with Eytan's spirit always in your heart.
Michelle/Gilad's mom