Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Reality Shift

I'm someone I don't know.

It's a strange feeling, like I'm living someone else's life, or maybe watching a movie of an alternate reality. It's me, but it's not me. Things are foggy most of the time, like someone took a fine layer of gauze and just laid it over my vision. I'm sad, angry, and anxious a good part of the time I'm awake, and I'm pretty sure even while I'm sleeping (I haven't woken up feeling rested in a long time). I'm someone I don't know--what happened to the happy-go-lucky, optimistic person I used to be?

Everything has shifted. The world I knew is gone, and this new reality, this new me, is something I grapple with every day. In a thousand bad scenarios I played out in my head, losing my brother like this was never even a remote possibility. Unfathomable. Inconceivable. Incomprehensible.

I'm not me. This isn't my reality. Where do I go from here?

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